Memory

Bad memories from childhood is the most influential event in our lives.

Once it's brought back it felt like experiencing it once again.

What if I turned out to be thousands of other women who are like Jennifer Anniston? The incident cannot have such a large impact on me. It should be him, every year I cursed him.

For all these years, I knew what happened and I thought I had forgotten about it or say I tried so hard to forget about it. I only realized I had only blanked it out and gradually became unapproachable and cynical. And then you found out you unconsciously have changed into the way you want yourself to be in other people's mind. Things get so emotional when you unlocked the box once again, and transiting between how you actually are and how you wanted yourself to be. Tough, self-protected, emotional- sensitive.

In the last few days, I dont feel like eating at all. I am hungry but I cannot swallow. I am tired but I stare at the ceiling.

It doesnt look like a big deal to many people. Even I tell myself it is not a big deal; that is the way how I deal with it. You learned that things like that just happened. What unfortunate is you had never thought that would happen on you when it happened. Maybe this isnt an appropriate way to deal with it. Wish life is so simple to just unplug the USB.

Seeing from my mother's situation, maybe I need outside help, to check if I am ok or potentially risky. I cannot walk the same path. I cannot let it scars my life.